I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
