Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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