omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
