A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
