Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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