bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
