im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize