I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize