so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
