I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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