Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
