this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
