I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
