i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
