at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
