Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
