i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
