I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize