No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
