Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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