So drunk its hurt
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
