Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
