Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Randomize
