Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
