i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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