Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
