Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize