I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
