just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
