I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
