we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I currently don't understand fingers.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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