weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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