i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
