True but thats because hes a fetus.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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