I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
