Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
