she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
