I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
