If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
i now understand why vodka
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
