I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I could make wine with my vomit
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
