She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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