Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
