so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Randomize
