I think I am morally bankrupt
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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