Don't you send me to vm
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
