if you like me you must not know who I am
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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