There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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