The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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