OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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