When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
