Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
they're like a gay fantastic four
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
