I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
