i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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