I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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