I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
