i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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