The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
