No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
