no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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