I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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