I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize