I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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