I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize