forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
