I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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