Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
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