he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
