i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
