dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Plan B is the new Plan A
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
