So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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