I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
