Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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